my phone needs a breathalizer
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
