The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
