One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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