Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Randomize
