I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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