he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Be still, my beating vagina.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
