your thong is hanging out like whoa
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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