So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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