are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
