Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
