So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
