ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
