I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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