Jerry, you need to find god
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
