:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
