how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
