i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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