he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize