i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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