If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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