I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
