I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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