Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
