you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Less talking, more tequila
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
