Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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