The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
