YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
