There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize