I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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