i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
