i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
