I accidentally had phone sex last night
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
