Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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