I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
