If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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