I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
