No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
