Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
