on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
