so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize