take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
