Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
