dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
