Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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