and you said cock pushups were impossible
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
