I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I cut my penus on the lid.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize