chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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