my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
