you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
