it's not cheating when I paid for it
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize