i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
