dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
