Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
People in love make me want to vomit
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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