you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
