six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
