are you so shy because you have an std?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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