A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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