Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
