when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize