oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize