WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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