so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Randomize
