Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
