I must be too annoying 4 u.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Randomize
