is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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