The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize