maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
