Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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