Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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