how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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